Harry Potter and the Long Name
by Fan Stories 2011
Summary: Harry Potter and the Order of the Sorceror's Half-blood Chamber Prisoner's Deathly Goblet of Secrets "Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermoine get an extra year at Hogwarts! This is the best book ever! Malfoy is back!"
1. Exploding Snape

**Harry Potter and the Order of the Sorceror's Half-blood Chamber Prisoner's Deathly Goblet of Secrets**

_"Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermoine get an extra year at Hogwarts! This is the best book ever! Malfoy is back!"_

**CHAPTER 1 EXPLODING SNAPE**

"I hate you Harry!" said Dudley. "Avada kedavra!" said Harry. Dudley died. Dudley was a meanie. He got what he deserved.

Then, Hedwig, Harry's owl flew in the window. By that, I mean into the window. "SQRAEOCH!" said Hedwig. "oh!" said Harry as he opened the window. "Hello Hedwig." Harry saw a letter. "Oh, I got a letter from Hogwarts!"

_Dear Harry Potter,_

You, Ron, and Hermoine get an extra year at Hogwarts!

From,  
Albus Dumbledore 

"Yay!" said Harry.

At Hogwarts, it was fun. "Harry!" said Ron and Hermoine. "Let's get into trouble!" said Hermoine. "OKay!" they said. They went to the resticted girl's bathroom. "Oh No!" said Harry. "Moaning Murtle. "Moan, moan, moan." Moaned Moaning Murtle. "OH, I LOVE YOU HARRY!"Run!" Harry yelled.

Next, they went to the restricted section in the library. "What's this book?" asked Ron, pointing to a small, green book with golden writing. "Pick it up." said Harry. Ron picked it up, and opened it.

_5 seconds later..._

"AAHHHHGH! TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL WING" said Ron. His hands were on fire. Then they took him to the hospital wing. "His hands are melting." they told a nurse. They put hair gel on his hands. "AAAGH! IT'S NOT WORKING!" "This calls for heavy duty." said the nurse. "We will have to push you into the ocean." "Okay!" said Ron.

"1...2...3...**PUSH!**" WHEEEEEEEEEEEE-gurglegurgegurgle" said Ron. "Let's go back to the dormitories!" said Harry.

Harry and Ron were "playing exploding snap" in the dormitory. "Screw exploding snap!" said Ron. "Let's play exploding Snape!" "Okay but first we have to find him!" said Harry. The search to find proffesor Snape began!

"I will destroy Snape first!" said Malfoy. "MUAHAHA!" He set pixies free and they attacked Harry and Ron. "Ouch!" Proffesor Dumbledore came in and got mad. "You set the pixies free Malfoy!" "But Harry did it!" said Malfoy. "You get detention Harry!" said Dumbledore. "But we have to blow up Snape!" said Harry. "Then go do that. He's in the trophy room.

"Look at all these trophies! said Snape. "Avada kedavra!" said Harry. Snape died. "I win!" said Harry.


	2. Malfoy's Revenge

**CHAPTER 2 MALFOY'S REVENGE**

"No!" said Malfoy. "Now no one will ever like ME instead of Harry Potter!" "Good job Harry!" said Dumbledore. "You win a vacation to the forbidden forest." "I'm coming too!" said Ron.

"I'm scared!" said Ron. "Then light up your wand!" said Harry. "I would, but it broke!" "A_gain?_" "yes..."

"It's the car!" said Ron. Ron's car was set free into the forest a long time ago. "Yay car!" Then the car ran over Ron, his wand exploded and a tree fell on him. "Look's like another trip to the hospital for you Ron!" said Harry.

"We're going to push you into the ocean again!" "WHHHEEEEEEEEE- gurglegurgle." Malfoy put sea-monsters into the water. "Ron look out!"

Ron threw dung bombs at the sea-monsters. Too bad he is a bad aimer though. He missed. And hit Mafloy. In the eye. And it exploded. "OH ****!" yelled Malfoy. Then he fell into the water. The sea-monsters ate him and swam away. "yay i'm alive!" said Ron.

Then Hagrid visited. "Oy Harry!" said Hagrid. "I'm going to give you a magical rooster egg!" "Rooster's don't lay eggs." said Hermoine. Harry took the egg.

Since Snape is dead they got a new potions master. "Hello, my name is Professor Monkey!" said the new teacher. "Let's make poison!"

After potions class Harry put poison in Ron's lemonade. "That was a fun class!" said Ron. "But now i'm really thirsty!"  
Ron took a drink from his lemonade glass.


	3. The Secretest Secret

**CHAPTER 3 THE SECRETEST SECRET**

"I'm poisoned!" said Ron, as he, Harry, and Hermoine went off to the hospital wing. When they got there he ate hair gel and it was all better. Then Dumbledore came in. "Ron!" he said. "You win a trophy for the most trips to the hospital wing in one day!" "Hooray for me!" exclaimed Ron.

"I got a trophy!" said Ron. "Good for you" said Hermoine. Then Crabbe and Goyle came. They were Malfoy's _EEEEE_vil friends. "With Malfoy gone, we will make fun of you twice as much!" said Crabbe. "Uh... yeah..." said Goyle. Then Crabbe said "Look Harry there's a dementor behind you! OOOOOooOOOooHHhhH!" "AAH!" said Harry as he fainted from fear. Crabbe and Goyle laughed. Then two dementors appeared behind them and sucked up their souls.

"Get out of here you dementors!" Dumbledore said, fuming. They disappeared. "Harry quit napping." Harry woke up. "I'm going to tell you the secretest secret." Dumbledore said to Harry. "You need to go to the trophy room and put leprechaun gold in all the trophies. Doing that will open a portal to where dementors live. I need you to go there and find the souls of two boys." "Okay" said Harry and he was on his way.

Harry told Ron and Hermoine. "Then we better go see the Leprechaun King." said Hermoine.

**AT THE LEPRECHAUNS LAIR **

"You will never get me gold!" said the Leprechaun king. "Avada kedavra!" said Harry. The leprechaun king died. "Okay now let's take the gold!"

**BACK AT HOGWARTS **

They put the gold in the trophies and a portal appeared. It started slowly pulling them each in. "Do you just jump in?" asked Hermoine. "I guess." "I'm not sure if it's safe!" But Harry and Ron were already jumping in, and Hermoine had no choice but to follow.

They were in a huge maze-like chamber. "Let's find the demontors!"

**2 HOURS LATER**

"It's too big!" said Ron. "And I'm hungry." "We will have to eat this magic rooster egg!" said Harry. Then the egg hatched and a magic rooster came out and flew them to the dementors. "Roosters don't fly." said Hermoine.

"Give us back those souls!" demanded Harry. "Okay" said the dementors. "Sorry about that." Then Crabbe and Goyle appeared with their souls. "I saved your souls!" said Harry. "So now you have to be my slaves!" "Okay." said Crabbe. "What do you want Master?" "A peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" said Harry. "MUAHAHAHA!"


	4. Quidditch

**CHAPTER 4 QUIDDITCH!**

"It's time for Quidditch!" said Harry. "I like quidditch!" Harry flew on his broom stick and got hit by a bludger. Then the other team threw eggs at him. "I like eggs!" said Harry. He ate all the eggs and got super egg charged. He caught the snitch in 5 seconds.

"That was fun!" said Harry. Then the magic rooster came. "I'll name you "Roosty"! Roosty layed 2 more eggs. They went to potions class.

"Today we will bring stuff back to life." said Proffessor Monkey. "But I need a magic rooster egg." "OOH! I have one!" said Harry. They put the egg in acid and they brought a pickle back to life and it did a dance.

Everyone was jealous of Harry. Harry cried. Hedwig was jealous of Roosty, and Roosty brought Harry a letter. Harry opened it.

_Dear Harry,  
Go to the secretest secret and find someone in a chamber._

From,  
No one. 

"I'm going." said Harry as he left to go to the secretest secret.


	5. The Chamber Prisoner

**CHAPTER 5 THE CHAMBER PRISONER**

When Harry got to the secretest secret, he eventually found a man in a jail cell. "I'm in jail!" said the man. "When Nicholas Flamel was in school he thought I did something bad! No one has ever come up here, so I've been here ever since!" "Nicholas Flamel is dead now." said Harry. "Do you think he has the key? I might be able to get it from him." "Yes, that would be great!" the prisoner said.

When Harry got back out of the secretest secret he thought he would recreate the sorceror's stone to bring Nicholas back to life. He told Hermoine he need to know how to make a sorceror's stone. They searched in the library.

**5 HOURS LATER**

Harry groaned. "I'll never be able to bring Nicholas Flamel back to life!" "Oh wait," Hermoine said "That is what you wanted the stone for? Why don't you just use that potion we made in potions class?" "D'OH!" said Harry.

Harry gave the potion to Nicholas Flamel and he came back to life. "I'm alive!" said Nicholas. "Yeah." said Harry. "Now can you give me a key to a jail cell?" "What a coincedence! I have one!" Nicholas handed the key to Harry. "But what do you need it for?" asked Nicholas. "To free a prisoner." said Harry. "But you can't!" said Nicholas. "Avada Kedavra!" said Harry. Nicholas died.

When Harry made it back to the prisoner he put in the key. He turned it. The key broke. "Er... uh..." Harry said. "wait... alohomora!" the cell opened. "why couldn't you have done that?" asked Harry. "Well..." said the prisoner "I'm only half blood magic." "But my friend is half blood and her magic is great!" said Harry. "Yeah well,... I don't have my wand..." said the prisoner. "But then-" Harry started to say, but the prisoner cut him off. "JUST SHUDDAP!"

The prisoner then started hissing and a basilisk came. "Oh no!" said Harry. "I have to cover my eyes!" the stare of a basilisk would kill you. Harry covered his face and started walking away from where he thought the basilisk was... but he accidently crashed into a wall. "Ow!" said Harry. As he fell down, the rooster egg fell out of his pocket and began to hatch. "The crow of a rooster is fatal to a basilisk!" said Harry. COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOO! The call was so loud even Harry was surprised. The basilisk fell out of the window while writhing in pain. "NOOOOO!" said the prisoner. "MY BASILISK!" By now it was obvious that the prisoner was trying to kill Harry. The man took Harry's wand and locked Harry in the cell.

"Now..." the man said deviously. "...to swallow the key..." The man actually ate the key. COUGH COUGH COUGH! He coughed up the key and it slid under the cell Harry was locked in. "Ew..." said Harry when he picked it up. It was still covered withthe man's slobber. Nevertheless, he had to pick it up to unlock the cell.

When Harry got out the man was still coughing so Harry picked up his wand with no risk. "And what do you think you're doing, young man?" said the prisoner. "I think I'm... AVADA KEDAVRA!-ing." said Harry. The prisoner died. Harry noticed a cup was dropped from the prisoner's cloak. He picked up, then returned to Hogwarts.

"I killed a prisoner!" Harry said to Ron and Hermoine. Hedwig was still jealous. He ate Roosty and her eggs. Then she began to mutate.

Just at that moment Dumbledore gave an announcement to the school. "I think you will all be happy to know that I have added 27 trillion floors to Hogwarts due to complaints."

Now the mutated hedwig flew up to the top of the school which was then 27 trillion stories high. "We've got to stop Hedwig!"

All three ran up the stairs to the top floor. Then Hedwig shot a lazer beam and Ron's head caught on fire, and he lost balance and fell of the stairs toward the bottom. "We have to catch Ron!" They ran down the stairs.

**27 trillion floors later**

Hermoine held her arms out to catch Ron. Ron landed on her and they were both squished. Then Hedwig shot another lazer and vaporized Hogwarts. "Harry!" Dumbledore said. "Your owl destroyed Hogwarts! You're expelled!"

**EPILOUGE**

Crabbe and Goyle appeared. "Where's Harry? We have his sandwich!" "He went that way." said Dumbledore pointing North. "Okay." said Crabbe. "duuhhhhhhhhhhh..." said Goyle. Crabbe and Goyle went that way and fell off a cliff... and died. Then Voldemort came. "Where's Harry?" asked Voldemort. "That way." said Dumbledore, as he pointed South.

At Harry's home he took out the cup he took from the prisoner. A lazer came out and almost killed him. "Oooh pretty." said Harry. Then he threw it in the garbage can. Then Voldemort came in. "Ah Voldemort!" said Harry. "Avada Kedavra!" said Voldemort. Voldemort died. He died because the spell accidently bounced off Harry's scar on his forehead and hit Voldemort when he was off guard. "I killed Voldemort!" said Harry. "**HUZZAH!**"

**THE END**

**READ WHAT THE CRITICS SAY ABOUT HARRY POTTER AND THE LONG NAME**

_"this is the best book ever!"- Universal studios_

"another one of J.K. Rowling's great ideas!" - the new york times

"Ah! Spiders!" - A soccer mom

"roosters don't lay eggs." - Hermoine Granger

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE" - Harry Potter

"**** you." - an emo


End file.
